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I should know better by by now.  I was so close I could taste it, freedom was just ten feet away and then… WHACK!!! right across the side of the head.

I had made a promise to myself, when the pipeline ran dry I would sail off.  My one and only deal died Monday morning, I got up and was walking to the main office to tender my resignation when the phone rang, I picked it up and with in an hour I had another small deal in the can.  By the end of the day I had two, and by the end of the week I even had a backup offer on the larger one.  In the process of all of this I have been working day in and day out on two Big Kahuna’s worth 10-18k that would  set me free for a good chunk of time.

Today one of my two deals died so I’m back to one hopeful last paycheck, both of my two Kahuna’s turned out to be Full of shit and quite fond of wasting my time.  How many times have I done this to myself, always holding out for the big fish.  I could easily waste my whole summer here and not make a single cent, all the while my measly little freedom chips slip out of my pocket one by one.  I’m not sure if I look at it as personal greed or self preservation but either way I keep hanging on.  Hanging on to what?  My body has withered away to nothing I couldn’t possible be any worse off anywhere than I am here, but why?  Why do I keep chasing rainbows, or am I?

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.  ~Pablo Picasso

The writing is on the wall but I wonder what language it is written in because I’m still here, you know the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…

In life, its rarely about getting a chance; its about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing wont work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

~Markesa Yeager