A day off is a good thing and today I needed nothing more than anything. The most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with in life is wealth. Who am I? Why do I deserve to have so much? I was racked with guilt by the staggering amount of money I was earning and how easy it was to obtain as college drop out while all my good friends with multiple degrees struggled just to pay the rent.
The more I made the more guilty it made me feel. I started trying to hide it, give it away but a strange thing happened; the more I gave away the more I made, the more I made the more guilt and paranoa I had. Eventually I got to the point where I just needed to change my life, to change my story so to speak and from everything the modern world covets I simply walked away.
The American dream wasn’t a dream at all, it was a nightmare. Nobody could understand why I just gave it all away but thats the thing, they were all so blind sighted with greed, accumulation and infactuation with something that virtually doesn’t exist “money” that they were blind to the fact that they had sold themselfs into slavery for something that in many ways can never be obtained “enough”, can’t and won’t make you happy and more often than not will literally kill you and destroy your life in the process of seeking it.
Its been 10 years now that I have lived the simple life, learned about my needs and wants and also what I’m willing and not willing to sacrifice in the manner of my life units in the persuit of wealth accumulation. Those ten years of continual downsizing towards ultimate simplicity were paramount in understanding who I am and more importantly what I am.
looking down on my life it may seem as if I gave up everything but in all actuality what I gained from simplifing my life was actually getting my life back and the freedom to live as I choose. My freedom regained once again I am feeling like its time to change my story. Somewhere in that grey zone between shadow and darkness is a happy medium. Finding this medium has been a rocking fun ride from flying private jets around the world to living in a snow cave and eating road kill.
I sat motionless at the edge of the beach today watching eagles soar overhead, listening to the cry of the sea gulls and feeling the cool breeze blow across my face. Not once did I reach down for my camera, some things in this world simply arent meant to be captured. Today I took off my 1986 Seiko Dive watch and replaced it with my shiny steel dive watch. Do I need such a fancy watch? Needs got nothing to do with it, and thats the thing… While it is so easy in the world to have and want too much, you can follow the same unhealthy pattern by needing and wanting too little, abundance is a good thing in moderation.
Today I have again changed my story and started a new adventure to find my cross roads. There is nothing wrong with success, its how you obtain it that matters, what you do with it and how you give back . There is a clock ticking and before you know it, all you will be able to do is look back at what you did in this world. Don’t waste your precious last days on earth having regrets. Change your story. Now more than ever in this world we can choose to follow our passions and make a comfortable life in the process.
I’m sitting by the wood stove, my friend Libby is serenading my soul with the most beautiful voice I have ever heard, Chloe lays at my feet, the sun is still high in the sky. I feel free as a bird. Life is impossibly perfect.
“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”